this past couple of weeks have been so insane. lol. i feel like i've been living in one tree hill. stats department syles. at least it's keeping things interesting. crazed transsexual. yeah. ..i shit you not.

as for work. it's. work. easter friday eve 5pm. and what is risk management doing? sitting quietly at their computers type-type-typing. goddamnit. ... i feel like history is repeating itself all over again. but this time i am a lot more cautious. definitely not going to let that happen again. fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice. shame on me.

these past couple of days has been awesome. it's the first time in 2 months i haven't gone into uni. gah. it's been so so good to catch up with people. there's a little dark spot, lol, but we won't dwell on the negative. i made someone spend $300! :D bwahahaha makes me happy to see people part with their money for clothes.

what else is worthy of mention.

hmm. a cool $150k to be dropped on a wedding. lol. amusing as a train crash.

mmm. yeah.

winter is here. damn :(

are you so rich that you can eat out everyday?

i didn't know if i should be insulted. or what.

i haven't seen it all. but i've seen a lot.

infidelity. greed. debt. suicide - both attempted and successful. fights. lies. psychological abuse. yeah. and come through the other side.

so fuck you if you think you know me. i've seen the kind of carnage and pain all that shit leaves behind.

so no. i am not going to slip into a life of debt or destitution.

fuck you. .|.

yay, i remembered you, poor, neglected, unread blog. wtf. because it's that time of the week again. :D

a week ago, we had a visitor. yes, one of those house guests. and you know most of the time, i just ignored him, because unlike some people i find it really hard to be nice to people i don't like. but everyone else thought he was the bees knees. personally, i thought he was shallow. /shrug. to each his own i guess. i have long since stopped caring what you all think. all this? i do it for myself. sure, your "approval" might be nice. but this is my life. i know i do not live up to your expectations, and i am barely short of being a disappointment. but you know what. i don't give a damn. it's my life to live. if i could do it again, there are a few things i might do differently, but then again, my past has made me who i am today... but yeah. my point is basically, fuck you and what you think i should do. you no longer have a say in the matter. i will do this, my way. and i will get there. for myself. and as a bonus, i'll get to look back and give you a big screw-you smile with a one fingered salute. to all of you.

another thing is currently frustrating me. man. wtf. i dont know. i think it's worth fighting for...but mmmmm. that's what i thought the last time and i was wrong. :/ will i learn from my past mistakes. this is slightly different, yeah. but...sigh.

i have become so emotionally detached. i felt the walls come down. literally. i saw them slamming down. really. this is what you've done to this relationship. and you have no one to blame but yourself. the inability to admit a problem, the reluctance/fear to face it and the root cause. it's caused so much pain. so so much pain. you are blinded by denial but hiding your head in the sand does not make it go away. and me. i do not pander to shit like that.

this post is shaping up to be extremely emo. wtf. it was unintentional. i am good, if tired.

till next week.

Will try to update this..once every..what? 2 weeks? or so? haha. or so i will try to. or whenever i feel inspired. whichever comes first haha.

tonight the update is brought to you by inspiration! oh man it's been so long. but today was awesome. yes, today was awesome. :)

i had forgotten how much i miss/crave good conversation. no holds-barred, all out conversation. frustrating, serious, funny, eye opening...

i need so much more than "hi how are you", i really do.

thanks for such a good night out.

the only time i have to myself now is saturday nights. 12am. to whenever i like. god this is my favourite time of the week. because it's all mine. 

how is life? life is okay. adjusting to the corporateness of it all. i'm not quite sure i like it. ahhh, so hard to get along with these people. :/ perhaps because i'm finding it so very hard to find anything in common with middle aged white business men. i mean. wtf right? :/ "so....do you have kids?" awesome emma tan, just awesome. *shrug* one year is the minimum time i need to do (wtf sounds like i am in prison ar wtf. minimum one year non parole)

yeah. imagine my surprise when i came to this blog after a month to see new messages. lol. too exhausted to do it when i get home :(

my project! goddamnit. i'm such a masochist. :/ but what can i say. the geeky side of me (sigh) is actually kinda liking it...how la. i wish i could just switch off when i get home but noooooo, out comes the econometrics books T___T self inflicted punishment.

the weirdest conversation today:

*so...do you think i should order more computers? 3?*

*uhh....yeah...i guess...?*

wtf. why are you asking me.

and ohhh this deserves to be blogged about. the other day work was getting to me. so i went for a little walk. and this unicef guy wanted to talk to me. wtf. make me sign my life away in donations. so i was bored and when i'm bored i indulge in random shit like that.

*so...where are you from?* (wtf kind of first question is that)

*er...malaysia.....*

*oh wow i'm from the philippines. was born in aussie though* (wtf wtf)

*do you understand chinese???*

*not..really...*

*no no you have to listen to this. ni hao ma, piao liang* (WTF)

then when he asked for my name, i put my hand out to shake his.. sigh...corporate training..

and he JUST HELD ON TO MY HAND?!?!

then he talked at me about unicef. i said talked at coz i was too wasted to actually listen to what he was saying..till he said "so you wanna register" wtf. ask me to part with my money that's when i start listening.

lol. weirddddddddd. but at least he was kinda cute, and it made me smile for the rest of the day.

yeah. that definitely deserved to be blogged about.

lunch is so lonely la wtf. i have to text people (beg/bribe) them to come eat with me. or it's just lunch at my desk SIGH why is life like this. :/ last week was...fairly successful me thinks. :D met up with people i have not seen in agessss. hopefully lunch continues throughout the year coz i seriously need to get out of the office.

this week has been...interesting. goddamnit class has started again. it looks like it's going to be massively time consuming KILL ME PLZ. and with only 5 people in the class wtf i can't hide in the sea of faces. wtf. :/ this means i actually have to do my reading. bah...

oh something interesting happened on fb too. it's a bit like blogging i guess. whatever selective part of me that gets put out there... gets interpreted by whoever reads it. yes all 1.5 of you wtf. 0.5 is for my imaginary reader. peter. wtf. i do not know where that name came from. and someone decided to make a "smart" comment re: those status things you can post? ohhhh i was NOT a happy camper. and i let them know it. you don't know me. who the hell do you think you are? back when i was at uni, you were condescending. (oh what? uni isn't busy at all....pssha) and now once again you think you know it all. guess what. when it comes to me you don't know shit. and yeah, i am not afraid to let you know that.

new building on monday! i am not looking forward to the old, more crappy, less cool building. :/ SIGH. but maybe the people will be...younger? more asian? :/ one can only hope. :/

what else can i say. haha. that's right, condense one month into one post. :D the more i write/ramble on, the less people will read. coz i'm sneaky like that.

2 supermarkets to find icecream the other night. option a was too boring. option b didnt have what he wanted. only good at option c. omg. it's just icecream man. =_=;

yeah ok i think that's all lah. till...next post.

Yup it's been a week. Only one week and I'm already like THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY. :/

Lol. What a week it has been. I've met so many people. So many faces. But so few Asians haha. Omg a White invasion wtf. I was only 1 of 2 asians. :/ and the other player was a guy. From China. Pfft. And such a boys club. Wtf. :/ And such competitiveness. Although, there has been one little bright spot I guess. Haha. Watch this space. I certainly will be. But ahhh it's been a while hasn't it? :)

It's been suprisingly fun. Lol. In a weird, geeky kinda way. I guess I'll just see how it goes. I don't believe in 90 day plans. I have a one year plan. And in working towards that, I am just going to take it one day at a time. And hopefully manage to retain my sanity at the same time.

Hopefully I'll have internet at work tomorrow -_-;

She gives me love love love love crazy love...

haha no not really. updates are so sporadic. but meh. i no longer feel the urge to write. :/ or maybe coz i'm just too tired to write. wtf. too tired from watching heaven sword dragon sabre till 330 am. only to get bored after 20 episodes to skip to the ending. okayla not bored. but i had to do it because it was just taking too much time wtf. and i have to concentrate on stuff like.. my assignments and marking. =.= and..just having a life wtf. can no longer marathon series like the good old days. life. responsibiliity. wtf. yeah sure. aiyo those pretty chinese girls. :/

time draws closer to the new chapter in my life. i don't know. i think i am looking forward to most of it. except trying to get there in heels. wtf. and the long hours. wtf. but never mind la at least i'll be making money right. wtf. like. shaking what my momma gave me. wtf wtf.

i met someone who reminds me so much of someone i used to know. mmhmm. what do i feel. well just annoyed really that i put up with o much shit for so long. :D but i'm free from the shackles that used to bind. haih wtf why am i talking so much shit today.

and so far into the new year. well there was that random little road trip. haha. man. that elephant in the room. now i truly knows what it feels like. :/ so stupid. stupid stupid stupid. =__=; but at least we discovered an awesome cafe. that made the best wood fired pizzas mmmm. and berry smoothies. sigh. i would drive the 3 hours just to eat there again that's how good it was. :D

oh yes. and something else i wanted to talk about. i have probably said this already here. but i stand by it. weakness that i cannot stand. people who cannot be on their own. i pity you.

oh and her. haha. sigh. i've found that i've really stopped caring what she thinks. :D no longer want or need her approval or want her to like me. now. i see her for what she truly is.

for now. i am pretty contented. as long as i don't think too much. one day at a time. one idiot at a time haha.

yeah well i just received some very worrying news

news that makes me go shit shit oh shit

i can't contact her.

i hope she's ok.

--

on a brighter note

omg sydney is the bomb

i thought melbourne was good

but that was before sydney

it's like asia on a smaller scale

with good food

good sights

fawesome shopping

it has everything that auckland does not and more

i think i'm in love

oh

and the new years sucked

haih whatever lah.

Only 11 days till 2009. 2008 has been a weird sort of year. It's flown by (what's that they say about time and fun....heh.) All things considered, it has actually been a pretty good year.

Dec 07/Jan 08
The road trips and non-road trip(!). The laughs. The food. The shopping. The revelations. The closeness. The disagreements. The understandings. The long long talks.

Feb 08
Makeup... Haha.The cats! My loves.

March 08
New beginnings. The plans for a change of plan. Too many sleepless nights. Final execution.

March 08-June 08
Interviews. Suits orz. 730.

June 08
First time across the ditch! Cold. Bunk beds. Shopping. Food. Hiking =.= 
Supreme unimpressedness at someone (hah!)

July 08
An offer! Acceptance. "The Talk". Another offer!
Online shopping! :D

July 08-October 08
Eep. 700s. New friends. More understanding. Long conversations. Projects and presentations. Hated 720. Marriage. Chris Rock.

Nov 08
The end! :D 22 =.= That Phone Call. Summerwork. Money! More conversations.

Dec 08
Baking. Again across the ditch! :D Mass sales. 10pm shopping. Swarovski. My very own prada! :D x 100 All on my own. All mine. <3 

Yeah. That about rounds up the list. New people, new things (because I'm materialistic like that) , new experiences.

2009...is going to be a whole new ball game. It isn't going to be ushered in with a big bang.

Fingers crossed, it will be a good year. lah.

gah. how much money did i spend today. zomg way way way too much T__T

goddamn you xmas. finally finally forked out the cash to buy the presents today. i got told i was going to get paid back but somehow...i doubt it. i strongly doubt it. goodbye hard earned $$. it was good knowing you...

sigh.

i keep buying buying buying with no end in sight. and i still want more. how arh. the deals are just too damned good to walk away from. :( but that has also meant a Power Up in the products i currently own. goodbye l'oreal hello dior. mmm. haih what to do they keep giving me free stuff =.= how can i say no i am asian. my poor bank account dei.

and how lah emma tan. you still wanna buy more stuff. am currently eyeing up ...sigh... a particular prada item. shiet. someone needs to stop me haih.

and i need to find a birthday present befitting a 5, 6, 7, or 8 year old. how old do kids start primary school here. 7? 6? haih. i don't know what kids play with these days. or what they do. it is going to be a highly awkward situation but i already said i'd go. wtf. i think the secret reason (udang di sebalik batu fuyoh) is because she wants me and him to "bond" wtf. or maybe it's his idea. i dont know i don't care. i don't like him but as long as you like enough la right? who am i to say anything anymore. too much shit don't make no sense (wtf like me) and i got no time to try and wade through it all. just lemme be.  

okay i need to go wallow in self pity wtf while admiring my new purchases. =.=